Driftwood
by Vampbarbie
Summary: Sequel to SCATTERED TO THE WIND for all those who demanded it. Why is Mal alive? Why is Jayne so mellowed out? Why has Simon got mean? Will anyone finally kiss? Find out in here! Please read and review. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Can't Sleep

This is for all the people who demanded it.

This is the sequel to SCATTERED TO THE WIND so you need to read that first before this or it won't make sense.

As usual I own nothing.

Italics denote flashbacks throughout

Its explains what happened to Mal, why Jayne mellowed out and why Simon got so mean, how River got sane and how everyone coped with the six intervening years. It will also (as it goes on) answer all the relationship questions posed from the first story.

* * *

Driftwood

_Mal stands behind the market stall selling fresh fruit and vegetables, and watches the young woman in the flowery summer blouse and cropped trousers, weave her way across the market place. She pauses occasionally to look at the stalls. Mal notices her toenails are painted perfectly pink._

_She stopped in front of the very stall he was hid behind. Mal shrank back, trying to make himself smaller, unnoticeable. _

_Kaylee stares hard at the small shining pile of scarlet strawberries on the market stall, and licks her lips. She digs into her pocket and counts the loose change she has. She sighs and pouts and shoves the money away. She turns away from the stall. _

_Mal nearly calls out, nearly yells her name across the market. But he stops himself, despite imagining her throwing herself into his arms and him spinning her round. He would buy her a whole bucket of strawberries. _

_He moves forward to get a better view, and sees her stop again. She is looking at a computer information screen. Her head droops forwards and she covers her mouth with her hand. Mal thinks he sees the glisten of teardrops on her cheeks as she walks away. Kaylee…no don't cry…_

_He waits a minute so she doesn't see him, and walks to the screen. He calls up the last viewed pages. The Tam's faces stare at him – River, all eyes and dark hair, and Simon looking the same as he had when he walked into Mal's life. But it gave no new news of the pair. No wonder Kaylee was upset. _

_Mal rubbed at his chin, the two-day-old stubble scratching at his hand. He sighed. Why wasn't anything ever easy? He turned and headed back to Serenity, alone._

_

* * *

_

Mal is patrolling the corridors. Prowling them. It's the middle of the night and he can't sleep. He's walked every inch of his ship. Listening to every little sound that isn't silence. Thinking that he might wake up all alone on Serenity and all this will be a dream. He balls his hands into fists and wills the falling feeling out of his stomach.

He stops by Zoë and Wash's door and hears the sound of soft talking. Zoë's singing. A lullaby to baby Mal. He'd never realised she could sing.

Mal pads slowly away and pauses at Kaylee's door. He can hear movement. He taps gently on the door before pushing it open. He climbs down carefully.

"Cap'n…" she blushes.

Mal has caught her all dressed up in her pink layer cake and twirling round the room like a ballerina.

"S'ok Kaylee," Mal says grinning. He sits on her bed. "I'm just happy you got it back."

Kaylee's eyes are brimming again as she sits next to him, her dress rustling around her.

"Ssshhh mei mei don't cry," Mal puts his arm around her and kisses her forehead.

She smiles through her tears. "Sorry Cap'n. Just pleased to be home."

"Me too," Mal feels tears prick the back of his eyes. He blinks hard. "Now shut up, you're making a mean old man want to cry."

_Mal reread the Core warrants for the third time that evening and sighed. They haven't changed in the last four days, why should they today? He shuts down the computer screen and walks slowly back to the dining room, still limping heavily. He drops into a chair with a muttered curse and checks his stitches. He did them himself, they're not pretty but they're keeping his leg together. His face is killing him; his stitching abilities aren't good enough that he'll trust them on his own face. He used some high tech skin glue stuff that the doc had tucked away._

_He sits down to his meal alone and pours himself a cup of cider. He takes a swig, downs another couple of painkillers and looks around. His eyes catch the pretty flowers Kaylee insisted on painting up the walls._

_Mal puts his face into his hands wincing with pain, and feels his eyes fill with tears._

_They're not coming back. None of them. They think you're dead. For all you know they're dead too._

_The tears spill over and make his hands wet._

_Just get to Monty. Get to him, get yourself right. Then hunt for them. These things can wait._

_Mal keeps telling himself these pretty lies as he pushes his food around the plate._

Kaylee kissed him on the cheek. "If it cheers you up I slapped Simon."

Mal starts to laugh. "Why mei mei?"

"For being dead. Seemed the thing to do."

* * *

Mal peered through the window of the infirmary to see Simon tidying. It was three a.m. in the morning and the boy was muttering to himself and throwing things into the trash.

Mal saw him frown hard at a bottle, trying to decipher the Chinese writing on the faded label. He finally gave up and threw it away. Mal had tried to restock the infirmary. Usually not from traditional sources. Hence the crap Chinese bottles.

Simon's collar was undone by several buttons and his hair was even messier than it had been earlier. He wondered if his good doctor was lost to them. He had been the last one to welcome him and he'd had a gun pointed at Mal's heart for most of the time. The steely look in the younger man's eyes had told Mal that he was more than capable of hitting his target. Mal wondered where his innocence had gone.

"Don't you know you're spying on my big brother?" A voice said in his ear.

Mal jumped and turned to find River grinning at him. She could still move silently if she wanted.

"River sorry I…"

River grinned again and took hold of his hand. She dragged him bodily into the infirmary.

"Look who I found!" she says to Simon as he looks up from arranging scalpels at right angles to the tray they were on.

Mal thinks that maybe a part of the old Simon is still there.

River hops up and sits on the couch. "It's been ages since we did this Simon."

He looks remotely horrified but Mal can see the wicked sparkle in her eyes. Mal gives her a smile and she hops back down.

"I'll let you two talk," River says and leaves the room.

"I, I should apologise for my behaviour earlier captain."

Ah, thinks Mal, there he is.

"Its ok. I wouldn't want my sis or girl running up to a dead man," Mal can't resist playing with him. "At least they didn't slap me."

Simon's eyes narrow very slightly and he puts down the scalpel he's holding rather harder than he meant to. He folds his arms.

"Why now?"

"What?"

"Why come back now? Why not four, five even six years ago? The 'verse ain't that big." Simon's got a hard look in his eyes again, and Mal wonders how much of their doctor is still there, really there. Running with Jayne all those years had to warp you.

"I didn't have a choice Simon. I said I'd tell you all and I will. We all got things to explain. Just not now."

_"When this is all over I'll be able to make the nightmares go away."_

_The screaming is incessant. Its ear splitting and terrified. Simon is sure its River screaming. Then someone slaps him hard round the face and the screaming stops. Jayne is shaking him, none too gently, and River is peeping round his shoulder, babbling at him, "It's a nightmare Simon. They get into your head too…"_

_"Nimen dou bi zui!" Jayne snaps letting go of his shoulders._

_"What's going on?" Book appears in the doorway, his hair completely wild._

_River shrieks and ducks away behind Jayne, only her fingers gripping into his bare bicep the sign that she's there._

_"Go back to sleep doc. It's alright Preacher. Simon's just channelling his sister."_

_Simon flops back against the pillow, and realises his face is wet. He wipes hurriedly at his eyes, but it doesn't really help._

_River scrambles up onto his bed, clambers over his legs and puts her arms around him. She strokes his hair and makes cooing noises. The same noises he makes to her to calm her._

_Jayne rolls his eyes and leaves the room. Book smiles at them. "You can't bottle up everything Simon. Sometime you're going to want to talk about the events of six months ago."_

_Book left the room._

_"You can talk to me," River snuggles her cheek against his right ear._

_Simon shakes his head gently._

_"I know you miss her. I know you wanted to die with her. You think you left them…left her to die."_

_"No…" How could she know that? How could she know anything like that? He'd never said a word about it. Not a single word for two whole days. He'd been too stunned, too afraid. Then life had to go on. He had to protect River. Reminding her of another lost home wouldn't help her._

_"I know you do. Guilty secrets Simon. Pretty lies." River walks her fingers up the side of his head. "Poison you. Poison memories. Lies with bows and ribbons, ruffles and lace." She leans in and whispers in his ear. "The taste of strawberries can't cover the taste of lies."_

* * *

Translation Notes

_Nimen dou bi zui -_ Everybody shut the hell up!


	2. Fear

Thank you for the support. Here's chapter 2. The rest of the story is progressing...slowly...its one of those that writes its self in bits that aren't always in order.

* * *

Chapter 2: Fear 

"I'm sorry, we can't stay here." Zoë stares at the tabletop.

Mal looks crushed for a moment. Then in a quiet voice asks, "Why?"

"Mal," Wash says, and then corrects, "Not you, baby Mal. What with your ingenious decorating its not really to our tastes."

"I understand," Mal says. "Its too dangerous. This is over for you…"

Zoë's head snaps back up. "No Mal. Fix up Serenity and we'll be back. We'll rendezvous with you on Persephone when you go for Inara's shuttle."

Mal nods slowly and a silent understanding passes between him and his first mate.

Everyone else around the table is quiet, watching. Except for Jayne who is polishing a wicked looking hunting knife, and looking bored.

"Anyone else want to tell me they're leaving?" Mal fixes everyone with a stare. "Jayne? Simon?"

Jayne stops polishing his knife, a glob of spit runs down the blade.

"I ain't leaving Serenity. Not again." Kaylee pipes up meeting his gaze evenly.

He nods to her.

Simon looks at River beside him, he hadn't counted on being made to decide this early. "I don't know," he finally says.

Kaylee's face has dropped. They're going to leave? Already? Mal sees her expression and so does Simon, who looks away.

"Jayne?" Mal presses.

Jayne looks at his Captain, then back to the Tams. "We need to talk about it," he says gruffly.

"I'll stay if you'll have me," Inara says softly.

"You better," Mal says, but not coldly, "You owe me a shuttle." He looks at the three people not meeting his eyes. His voice frosts over. "You too."

Mal stands up, and pushes his chair back roughly. "This is still Serenity. That hasn't changed."

He departs the room, leaving guilty silence in his wake.

Zoë and Wash leave to go to baby Mal, and Inara politely excuses herself. Simon stands up out of politeness. Kaylee looks at Simon, her eyes wide and hurt.

"You're leaving? Again?"

Simon shrugs and stays silent.

"Jayne?"

Jayne can't look at Kaylee and ruin her ideals. So he stares at his feet.

"You always were daì ruò mù ji Simon!"

She turns and leaves the room. Simon standing in her wake looking confused.

* * *

Inara catches Mal's arm as he steps onto the ladder to his room.

"Mal," he looks at her and his eyes are unreadable. "Don't punish us. We didn't know. Surely you understand why Simon is afraid."

Mal shakes off her hand and continues to climb down. Inara gathers up her skirts and follows him.

"Don't walk away from me Malcolm Reynolds."

Mal turns and raises an eyebrow. "Don't recall inviting you into my room."

_"What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"  
"That it was manly and impulsive?"_

"Didn't stop you with mine." Inara steps into his personal space. Mal shivers. "If you wanted to die alone why did you find us?"

_Inara kneels in front of the five white candles set on a plinth in the courtyard garden of the Guild house on Persephone, and lights them carefully, one by one._

_"For Jayne Cobb, Shepard Book, Simon Tam," Inara hears a small sob from Kaylee behind her but continues, "River Tam. And Captain Malcolm Reynolds. We light these candles to bless their souls and send them to the other side. May they be watched over and always find Serenity."_

_Inara lights the last candle, and rocks back on her heels. She stares at the flickering flame for a long moment, feeling a tear work its way down her nose. "Goodbye Mal," she mouths silently to it._

_Standing, she turns to the others, adjusting her white veil so it hangs straight on her dark hair. Zoë is standing all stoic and soldier-like. Wash looks upset, he keeps looking at Zoë. He's holding her hand tightly, his knuckles pale. Kaylee is holding a hand to her mouth and rocking gently on her feet. Her eyes are sparkling with tears. Inara puts her arms around her._

_"Ssshhh mei mei. Don't cry…"_

_"Why them? Why us?"_

_Inara rubs her hands up and down Kaylee's back, and can't answer her. "I'll keep these candles burning. Least we can say goodbye this way…" she finally adds._

_"Shouldn't need to be saying goodbye at all," Kaylee wrenches herself free of Inara and puts both hands firstly to her mouth to stifle another sob, then covers her whole face then rubs them agitatedly through her hair. "Should of gone back quicker." She goes to the candles, kneels and whispers something the others can't hear. Her own goodbyes, Inara guesses. She overhears something like, "you said you loved me…"_

_Inara's heart is like lead in her chest. She can't quite believe Mal's gone. She knew she wanted to leave Serenity but it would have always been there. Mal should have always been there. She stares hard into the flickering flame of Mal's candle. And squeezes her eyes shut against the hot tears._

Inara reaches forward and touches the scars on his face, and his skin feels like ice.

"What did they do to you?"

Inara suddenly realises that Mal is shaking under her hand; she can see how pale his face has gone.

"Mal?"

His lips have practically gone white. She's never seen Mal go like this. He balls and unballs his fists several times. His breathing is too fast and a light sheen of sweat appears on his forehead.

"Mal? Should I call for Simon?" Inara's hand drops away from his face.

He shakes his head firmly and sits on his bunk. Inara stands as though frozen.

"Mal? What is it?"

He finally looks up at her, and his eyes are haunted. His voice is a harsh whisper. "I saw them." There's a long pause. "I looked into its eyes," his lower lips trembles until he clamps his teeth onto it. "And I saw what it wanted to do. To me, to you, to Kaylee…" his voice cracks.

Inara sits beside him and lays her hand on his. "Mal…"

"I was so afraid that seeing that would drive me mad like…" he stops.

Inara remembers that poor man.

_"They made him watch."_

"I though I might turn into that…or them. I was so alone and I didn't know what to do."

Mal's never like this. Mal is never afraid. Not like this. Inara grips his hand, holding it tight. "You're not alone anymore Mal. You're not a monster and you're not alone."

_Gorram Jayne. Setting off explosives in Serenity. He conveniently forgets that he's lobbing grenades off the catwalk. Easier to blame Jayne. Always is. There's screaming below. Good. He creeps forward along the catwalk until he reaches the blown out gap, and throws another grenade off the edge. More unearthly howling. It makes all the hairs on his body prickle and stand up. He turns to go back the way he came and comes face to face with it._

_A Reaver. A gorram Reaver is eyeballing him on his own ship._

_In precisely four seconds, which to Mal seem like hours, it raises its large knife with a scream and stabs downwards. Mal tried to dodge, stumbles, tries not to fall off the broken catwalk, and feels the knife enter his leg. Just above his left knee. He feels the blade scraping bone.. Mal screams. The pain is excruciating. He swings Jayne's shotgun off his shoulder by its webbing strap and fires it. He's decided to name it Daisy, after a cow his mama had. Misses. Fires again. Gorram Reaver won't die quietly. Its flails with its knife and catches Mal twice in the face as his leg buckles under him. Misses his eyes, but not by much. His cheek is bleeding; he can feel the warmth spreading down his face. And the long cut from temple to jaw means that his eye is full of blood. Gorramit that hurts like hell._

_Daisy clicks. Empty. Mal tastes the fear like bile in his mouth. I'm gonna die, I'm gonna bleed out right here in the cargo bay. I won't! I won't die for them._

_He resorts to punching the Reaver, then a swift grab of its clothing and he heaves it over the railing with a yell. He throws another grenade after it. No more screaming. Mal wipes his hands on his shirt and swears blind that he just grabbed skin of some kind. He clamps his hand around his leg wound. He lets out a strangled scream, god that hurts. Blood pumps hotly into his hands. A wave of nausea hits him about the same time as the smell of burning flesh._

_Mal shakes it off. He won't die here. He rips a section off the bottom of his shirt and ties it tightly over the wound. It's not enough. He's going to bleed to death in the gorram cargo bay. He pulls one of his suspenders off and pulls it tight around his leg as a tourniquet. The bleeding slows. Mal grabs the railing and pulls himself to his feet. He's still the captain and there is no way he'll wait for the Reavers to come back and finish him off._

_And around him Serenity smoulders._

_

* * *

_

Translation Notes

_Daì ruò mù ji -_ dumb as a wooden chicken


	3. New Families and Old

Here's chapters 3, 4, 5 and 6 for you all. Its a bumper crop so please read and review! This should answer some questions and pose a few more!

* * *

Chapter 3: New Families and Old

Mal is finishing a bowl of rice when Wash enters the dining room. The crew seem to have taken to eating separately for now. Wash had baby Mal balanced against one hip, and gives Mal a grin. He sits baby Mal onto Mal's lap without asking permission, only saying "No high chair."

Mal was slightly taken aback. Gun toting maniacs, reavers, he could deal with them, but babies? Baby Mal gurgles and waves his pudgy arms in the air. He grabs the edge of Mal's shirt and tugs it. Mal can't resist a smile. He is quite cute really. In baby Mal he sees Zoë's coffee coloured skin, Wash's eyes and thankfully not a trace of Wash's red hair. But he covers it when Wash comes back over.

Wash plonks himself down next to them with a bowl of baby food and a spoon.

"Open up for daddy…come on yummy food…num num."

Baby Mal is not impressed and keeps his mouth firmly shut. Mal recognises that look all too well. Its Zoë's face when she really disagrees with his orders.

Wash is now pretending to eat the food himself. "Num num yummy food." He extends the spoon again. Baby Mal grabs at it sending food flying into Wash's hair. Wash ignores it, and Mal's snort of amusement.

"Open wide for the spaceship," Wash tries. He makes engine noises. Baby Mal refuses to play. "For Zoë he'll sit still and open his mouth. For me…oh no." Wash lays the spoon down. "For me he turns into Jayne."

He picks up the spoon again and shoves it into Mal's hand. "You try."

"What? No way…I ain't…" he trails off knowing when to give up.

He scoops up some of the baby 'mush' and holds it tentatively to baby Mal's mouth. He obediently eats it. And another spoonful, and another.

Wash smiles. "He likes his godfather."

Mal's mouth makes a few soundless vowel shapes.

"We always planned on asking you, but you know the death got in the way. With Jayne and Simon pushing up daisies too we settled on two godmothers. You should have heard Kaylee squeal."

"I can imagine. But please tell me Jayne wasn't really in the running…"

"Over my dead body," Zoë steps into the room. She holds out her arms for her son. "You may want to give…"

She doesn't finish the sentence as baby Mal burps up most of his dinner down the front of Mal's shirt. Mal looks disgustedly at it. He gestures to Wash.

"Another reason I told you no Zoë."

* * *

_Zoë smiled weakly at Wash, her hair sticking to her forehead with sweat._

"_It's a boy! We have a boy!" Wash cries loudly, holding up the bundle in his arms. Zoë smiles at him. He couldn't be more proud of his boy. The nurses have faded away. Would they have done this if things had been different?_

"_Wash…" Zoë said quietly. "I've already got an idea for a name."_

"_I know," he cradles their son tenderly as he comes to sit next to his wife on the birthing bed. He looks down at him, "He'll be called Mal. And he's gonna be as funny as his dad and as beautiful as his mother." Wash grinned at Zoë, then looked back down at baby Mal. "You're gonna be a great pilot, just like your old man, and Mal you're gonna be as brave as your mummy," he pauses, just slightly. "And you'll be as idealistic and pigheaded and downright courageous as the man you were named for."_

* * *

Mal grabs Zoë by the arm in the cargo bay as she and Wash are preparing to leave. 

"Zoë?"

"Yes sir?"

"Don't go."

She smiles at him. "Got to. Just another mission. I'll be back with the stories."

Mal sighs and turns his head away.

"Promise?"

"Yes Mal. I swear."

He turns back and kisses her on the forehead. "I need you Zoë. Always did."

Zoë just looks at him. She's known Mal through everything. Never seen him like this. Through the war years when he had faith. Serenity Valley and after when they had nothing. Then as her captain when he had everything and didn't realise it. She'd seen him through the worst and the best, his rages and rare tears, the nightmares and the plans, but the laughter and friendship more than made up for anything he could throw at her. She'd watch his back and he'd watch hers, not matter what. Even after six years he was Mal. And that was enough for her.

"I don't want to be alone again."

"You never will be Mal."

* * *

_Mal sat on a bench in Eavesdown Docks on Persephone. Serenity was docked miles away. No point bringing a ghost ship into town. He's got three weeks worth of beard and he was dressed like always, except he'd shunned his brown coat for a grey one. He shifts uncomfortably. Feels like he's rejecting something. Gorram coat has his gorram soul. His hair is combed neatly. He's watching the door to Badger's den intently. He's traced her this far, he wonders if she's really real. Or is she a mirage he's chased for far too long?_

_The door opens and she walks out. Mal's stomach knots. It's her. He'd know at a glance. Just like she would know him. He drops his stare, but catches a few words of the conversation. _

"_You're a piece of go se Badger," Zoë says._

_Badger tips his bowler hat to her. "You know I never say no to a lady."_

_Zoë makes an exasperated noise in her throat and walks away._

_Mal follows her, keeping his distance. Something is different. Zoë's different but he can't quite put his finger on why. Her hair is longer but not by much. She seems glowing. Maybe its sweat, she looks a little out of shape. Her leather vest is straining slightly in the middle._

_Wash is standing by a stall, wearing a lurid orange Hawaiian shirt and idly scratching a dog through the bars of a cage._

"_The Dinosaur is ready to fly my beautiful wife. We got a job?"_

_The Dinosaur? Mal wrinkles his nose. Zoë is flying on a ship called the Dinosaur? All the more reason to stroll up to them as if nothing has ever happened, bark out an order, get them on a ship with a proper name and wait for a reaction._

* * *

Translation Notes

go se - shit


	4. Some Presents Just Mean More

Chapter 4: Some Presents Just Mean More

"I don't want to leave," River says to Jayne, keeping her voice low. She's sat on the third to bottom step of the stairs next to the passenger dorms. She's wearing a simple white sleeveless nightdress with her hair loose. Jayne thinks she looks beautiful but he won't say that to a gorram girl.

Jayne leans against the stair railing next to her.

"I feel more at home here than I ever have in my life." She fiddles with the wooden beads around her neck and wiggles her bare toes.

Jayne nods. "Ain't right us leaving after Mal did all that ruttin' work to bring us back."

"I don't want Simon to leave…" River cuts off suddenly, hearing movement from Simon's room. His bed creaks and then there's silence again.

"Why is your gorram brother so hell bent on leaving anyhow?"

"Fear," River fixes him with a piercing gaze, "He's afraid. Like you."

"I ain't afraid girl."

She smiles slightly. "I ain't moon brained anymore Jayne. Haven't been for a long time. But it doesn't mean they didn't change me." He remembers the mind reading thing just a little too late. "I'm still a girl. You're afraid of what people will say; afraid they'll talk about you. You're afraid you've gone soft. Afraid of Simon. But you're not afraid of me."

She stands suddenly, the steps making her the same height as him. She leans into him and Jayne lets her kiss him on the mouth.

"What the…"

She gives him a look. "Known for ages. Any girl would. Seen your looks."

"Huh."

She smiles gently. Jayne stutters a little.

"If we…Simon…"

"Simon doesn't know. But he will. If you want to try this, I mean really try this then we have to tell him. You should tell him. If I do he'll just up my medication again."

Jayne nods very slowly and wonders how he's been talked into this.

* * *

"_It was my birthday."_

"_Happy Birthday River!" Simon and Book chorus as she enters the kitchen. Jayne barely glances up from his breakfast but manages to mutter something that sounds like "'Appy erthday."_

_River sits down at one end of the table where a small pile of presents is laid. Above them a homemade banner reading "Happy 21st River" is strung from the ceiling. _

"_Thank you," she says with a wide smile._

_Simon thinks back to other birthdays, and is happy for her. Those had been filled with tantrums and tears, and usually screaming. Now she's just a normal girl on her birthday._

"_Open them presents then girl," Jayne looks up._

_River seizes upon the first one, a hastily wrapped package of brown paper. Inside are bright pink fingerless, elbow-length knitted gloves. _

"_From my mother," Jayne supplies._

"_Tell her thank you," River says, laying the gloves aside to open the next one. It's a computer programme entitled 'Evolutionary creationist astrophysical mythological theories of Earth That Was.'_

"_Thank you Book."_

_He smiles at her. "I just hope it stops you stealing and rewriting my Bibles."_

_He stops and coughs hard, his chest rattling._

"_You really ought to let me look at that," Simon says with a worried frown. _

_Book shakes his head and waves Simon away. Simon purses his lips but says nothing more about it. He hands River another present. _

"_Open mine." _

_It's perfectly wrapped with a neat bow on the top. River unwraps it and unfolds the beautiful silvery blue silk scarf. It reminds her of things Inara used to have. She raises it to her cheek and lets it cool texture touch her skin. "Its lovely but we can't afford this…"_

"_Yes we can. You're worth every penny." Simon comes round the table and kisses her on the cheek. _

_He pushes a small wrapped gift towards her. She opens it slowly and reveals a small ornate jewellery box. _

"_Its from Ana."_

"_Oh," River puts the box down suddenly and pulls a face. _

_Simon folds his arms looking annoyed. "What's wrong with it?"_

"_I don't like her Simon." River says looking just as stubborn as her brother. _

"_And why not?"_

"_Because she doesn't know you!" River snaps. "She doesn't even know your name, Ryan," she adds his pseudonym sarcastically._

_Jayne and Book stay silently eating. They've learnt that sibling spats are best kept out of._

"_She can't know you." River fixes him with a stare. "Does she taste of strawberries?"_

_Simon flushed bright red. How did River know he'd kissed Ana? He bit his lip to stop a retort, turned silently and left the room._

"_I'll go after him," Book said rising from his chair._

_Jayne looks at River. Her eyes are overly bright and pink spots are colouring her normally pale cheeks. "Don't let him bother you River. He's just being a stuck up houzi de pigu"_

_She giggles, and spies the last present on the table. "Is this from you?"_

_Jayne nods, a little embarrassed._

_River opens it, carefully peeling off the rather poorly wrapped paper. It's a small box. She opens the lid and pulls out a necklace. It's a short rope of small wooden beads, painted with tiny black Chinese characters. "Oh Jayne I…"_

_He scratches his head and stares very hard at the tabletop. _

"_Can you…?"_

"_What? Oh…"Jayne stands up and walks round behind her chair. He carefully lifts her hair and fastens the catch. His fingers brush the back of her neck and she suppresses the icy thrill that trickles down her spine. _

* * *

Translation Notes

_Houzi de pigu_ - monkey's ass


	5. Strawberry Red

Chapter 5: Strawberry Red

Jayne pauses at the doorway to the engine room, scans the swirling engine, Kaylee's corner. He can't see Kaylee herself but that doesn't mean she's not in there. He hops down the steps in one bound, and her head pops out from under the engine at the back of the room.

"Hey Jayne."

Jayne crosses the space and crouches next to her.

"I'm sorry."

Kaylee frowns and slides out, a wrench in hand. She's got a smear of grease across her left cheek. She rubs it with the back of her hand, spreading it further. "What for?"

"Leavin'. Not finding you. Not grabbing you. When the…." He doesn't finish the sentence.

Kaylee sits up on her knees. "Don't be silly Jayne."

He shrugs miserably. "Thought you were dead," he mumbles. "Prayed it was quick." His eyes are fixed firmly on the floor.

"You were dead to us too," she says softly.

He nods, "I know. Always figured you'd mourn me, never thought it'd be the other way round."

Kaylee lays the wrench in her hand onto the decking. She doesn't know what to say to him.

"Missed you," he mutters, even quieter. "He did too. Didn't say but even I could see."

"Always knew you had a good heart." She pokes him in the centre of the chest. Lightens the mood. "No one believed me."

"Good," Jayne says, mock-gruffly. He leans down and kisses her on the forehead. "Still sorry."

She giggles. "You've got grease on your chin," she reaches up and wipes at it, making it worse.

* * *

_Kaylee doesn't want to dream. But all she can hear is screaming. River screaming. And then its dust and silence and three words. Wo ai ni, simple, direct and truthful. From the lips of a dead man. Kaylee reaches out a hand and he takes it, smiles and pulls her close to him. Kisses her. Deeply. Kaylee leans into him. He's dressed exactly like the first moment she set eyes on him, minus the red glasses. Kaylee knows that wasn't what he wore. But…_

_River's screaming gets louder, and someone pulls on Simon's arm. _

"_We gotta gorram go doc! Get your ass to that shuttle dong ma?" Jayne's just Jayne. Vera in hand, and covered in what looks like blood._

"_No." _

_Simon shakes off Jayne's hand and digs into a pocket. He draws out a syringe. His mouth twitches. "I'm sorry Kaylee. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_She stares at the needle in fear._

_He rolls up his sleeve, and then he injects it into his own arm. It drops from his fingers as he grabs the railing. He doubles up in pain, and then drops to his knees. He's shaking all over as though cold. Then his eyes roll back into his head and his body convulses violently. Kaylee grabs him, holds him, and kisses him again. But there's blood, strawberry red, from his ears, his nose, his eyes…His body stops shaking._

"_He waited too long." River is standing there staring at them. Suddenly on the other side of the blown out gap which hadn't been there a moment previously. "Waited for you. Cost him. He died without you. Pretty lies little Kaylee."_

_Kaylee wakes up sobbing. That didn't happen, it didn't. She hadn't watched him die. But it had seemed so real. He'd kissed her; his lips had been warm on hers. A soft kiss but hinting at so much more. But that hadn't happened. He'd never held her in the smoke and screaming. So much blood. River had never said those words. _

_Had he even said he loved her? Sometime Kaylee wasn't sure if that was real. But it was, her heart said stubbornly. Simon loved me. He did. He didn't die on Serenity. _

_She rolled onto her side and felt more tears slide sideways down her nose. Six months ago. Six months to the day. She hiccupped. Her bed still felt strange, her room didn't breathe around her like Serenity did. _

"_Where are you?" she whispered to the darkness. Kaylee curled into a ball under the duvet and stifled further sobs against her pillow. She didn't want to wake her mama or daddy because she didn't want to answer their questions. Couldn't relive that night out loud. Not even for them. They'd asked her of course, what had happened to that nice young captain who'd given her the job of a lifetime. She'd said just one word – Reavers – and didn't tell them anymore. How could see explain what she'd seen, what these dead people meant to her. How Book could inspire faith with just a look. How to explain who Jayne Cobb was at all; mercenary, criminal, friend. Crazy brilliant River and her brother who said he loved her. _

_She knows they had a funeral, supposed to have said goodbye. But she still wondered, did they really die? Or were they lost? She questions if the others have forgotten, moved on, accepted that they're dead. She remembered Zoë's words when they went back. So final. _

_Kaylee choked on her wet pillow and rubbed her eyes. She got up silently and went to the window. They sky was lightening on the horizon._

_She knows what Reavers do to people. She's heard all the stories. She doesn't think about them like that. I can't, she thinks. Not even in my darkest moments. They didn't die that way._

_Instead she just remembered Mal's slightly naughty expression when he offered her a job._

"_Wanna?"_

_His belief that she could put his baobei right. The way he kisses her on the cheek for a job well done. Her big brother._

_Jayne's downright disturbing jokes. They way he'd wink at her just to be crudely flirtatious to make her smile. Vera. His secret good heart. _

_Book's preaching about every job they went on. They way he always interrupted her and Simon. His calm unshakable faith._

_River's infectious giggle when they played. The way she danced barefoot on the catwalks._

_And Simon's eyes when he smiled. When he said she was pretty pretty. Three little words._

_Flowers painted up the wall. Strings of fairy lights round her door. Mal yelling "Shut up!" at her and River. Apples. A pink dress. Grease. The engine humming quietly as she tended it. Protein all the colours of the rainbow. Eating together, laughing round the dining table. Serenity._

_Yes, that was what Kaylee would remember.

* * *

Translation Notes_

_Wo ai ni - _I love you_  
Baobei – _baby / precious


	6. Can't Find It Alone

Chapter 6: Can't Find It Alone

Jayne took a deep breath and actually knocked on the infirmary door before poking his head round it.

Simon looked up from the syringe he was filling with some clear liquid. He finished filling it without looking.

"Yes Jayne?"

Jayne stepped into the infirmary, making sure he wasn't close enough for Simon to get him with the syringe.

"I…err…wanted to talk to you."

"Uh huh." Simon now had the syringe clamped between his teeth while he sealed the bottle and put it back in the cupboard. He pulled the syringe out of his mouth. "Have you seen River?"

"Uhhh no," Jayne knew River was standing just out of sight down the corridor. But it felt like she was breathing on the back of his neck.

Simon frowned. "So what do you want to talk about?"

Jayne shifted his weight uncomfortably, then finally blurted out, "I like River."

Simon's frown got deeper, and for a long moment he didn't even move. Then realisation crossed his features. "What?"

"I like River," Jayne repeated, "We want to have a relationship."

Simon blinked a few times. "You what? With River?" His mouth dropped open.

"We want your blessing…I, I want your blessing."

"What? With my baby sister?" Simon started walking back and forth brandishing the syringe.

Jayne eyed it wearily.

Simon stopped and gave him a fierce glare. "We?" he asked suspiciously.

"Err yeah."

"You've talked about this? River's talked about this…with you?"

Jayne just nodded, not wanting to provoke Simon more.

Simon jabbed the syringe in Jayne's direction. "With my baby sister?" His voice had risen now.

He advances towards Jayne.

"Maybe you should put the syringe down doc."

"You son of a…" Simon's fist connects solidly with Jayne's jaw.

Jayne didn't see it coming and staggered back against the doorframe.

"What the hell is going on?" Mal appears in the doorway, Kaylee behind him.

Jayne is holding his jaw, which is already turning purple, and Simon is shaking his hand in pain. He should know better than to hit a man in the jaw, you're more likely to break fingers, which he suspects he has. Jayne doesn't even move to retaliate. He knows Simon wants to do far worse. A punch in the jaw is reasonable. Simon's well within his rights to punch him.

"What did you do?" Kaylee looks horrified.

"Punched him. He's in love with River. And apparently she feels the same." Simon barks out a short laugh. "I really am going mad." He drops the syringe and runs a hand through his hair.

"Jayne, come with me," Mal orders seeing River hovering anxiously down the corridor, and Kaylee's insistent look. She wants to talk to Simon.

Kaylee grabs Simon's elbow to stop him pacing. "Simon its alright…"

"How? Its sick. It's perverse. It's my baby sister with…with…" he can't even finish the sentence.

"With a man who has lived with you, looked out for both of you for six years, and yesterday was your wingman when pointing guns at people. Why does that change now? He cares for her. River's 23 years old Simon, she's not a child." Kaylee bites the inside of her cheek. "Maybe she isn't the one who needs to grow up."

She turns on her heel and leaves Simon clutching his injured hand, all the more confused about staying on Serenity.

* * *

_River has been throwing up since the early hours, and Jayne has been awake for much of it. Gorram girl can throw up loud enough to wake even him. Now its six a.m. and he knows he's got a job on today. One that he would rather be awake for. Young upstart thief, just like Reynolds used to be, wants him to fence something, means he's likely to get shot at. Jayne doesn't like getting shot at at the best of times, especially not when he's half asleep._

_Least the doc can escape to the hospital. He'll have to put up with the vomiting and screaming all day. Simon claims he only took the job so he has easy access to medical equipment and supplies. He regularly pockets medicines to experiment on River with. Quite the little thief he has become. Jayne thinks its rubbish. Simon likes escaping River, likes pretending he's normal. That they've got a normal life. Jayne can see through it like that. All just pretty lies._

_Thus when Jayne goes down for breakfast he's in a very bad mood._

_Simon is standing in the kitchen making eggs. There are purple shadows under his eyes._

_"I must apologise for last night. River reacted badly to the new dosage I gave her. It made her sick."_

_Jayne just grunts, takes Simon's eggs as he's putting them on a plate, and sits at the table. He shovels the eggs into his mouth._

_Simon glares at him but stays silent. Jayne's glad. He doesn't need some lecture._

_"Simon…" a weak voice cries from upstairs. Simon leaves his eggs and goes running upstairs to look after his sister._

_Jayne finishes his eggs and then Simon's. He hates River when she's like this. When she's weak and sick. All she wants is Simon then. She didn't seek out Simon at other times. She liked to be with him. Just staring at him. It was as unnerving as ever, but Jayne would miss her if she stopped. Then she's pretty, for a crazy girl, and full of life. But when that fades, all she wants is her big brother. He didn't drag her out of that gorram ship. Jayne had done that. Simon had gone to pieces. Simon is no good in a crisis. Jayne is…well he usually is. He couldn't save Kaylee could he? Should have grabbed her too._

_Jayne felt bad that they'd died, even Wash. He was surprised that Zoë would succumb to a Reaver's death. He and Inara had never seen eye to eye, but he'd never had anything against her. He only wound her up for fun, didn't wish her dead. Of course Mal went down with his ship, rutting fool. And little Kaylee, baobei, their little Kaylee. She never deserved that. Jayne hoped it was quick for her._

_They'd created a memorial in the corner of their garden, under the trees where the shuttle was hid. They'd laid out five pieces of wood carved with their names. River had laid a blue china teacup, a toy triceratops, a pink ribbon tied in a bow, a dusky plastic orchid and a small metal military badge she'd got from somewhere. Simon was trying to grow a strawberry plant with limited success. Jayne pauses there only alone, always after dark. Feels wretched and leaves._

_Simon comes back into the kitchen. "I trust you'll watch her today. Its not fair to leave Book to do it alone."_

_Jayne shakes his head, "I got work to do."_

_Jayne always knew Simon had a temper simmering below the surface; he'd just never experienced its full wrath before._

_"You're so gorram selfish!"_

_"Keep talking pretty boy," Jayne smirks._

_Simon launches into a string of swear words that Jayne was sure he hadn't leant on Osiris._

_"Don't get smart boy," Jayne stands up, trying to use his build to intimidate him. Simon refuses to back down. Hmm, maybe he could give the doc some credit._

_"Ni zhen bushi yiban ren!" Simon snaps._

_"Stop playing at being a meng gu di fu!" Jayne laughs in his face._

_"Poq gai!" Simon spits at him._

_"Now doc don't be getting personal," Jayne leans forward on the table with a hard look._

_They find themselves nose-to-nose, just about ready to punch each other when River appears in the doorway. Wraith-like, her hair wild around a face even paler than normal. She looks from one to the other._

_"Everybody's so mad," she says, her voice not her normal accent._

_Simon froze his face a stunned mask, he almost looks frightened, "What did you say mei mei?"_

_"Everybody's so mad," she repeats the same way._

_Jayne remember another girl saying those words. Another girl he cared about. The one he couldn't save. He looked at River. He wouldn't make that mistake again._

* * *

"What's going on Jayne?" Mal fixes him with a look that says 'I will hurt you if you lie to me'.

River piped up first. "We want to stay on Serenity Captain. Me and Jayne…with your permission."

"Welcome aboard," Mal says evenly. "But that don't explain the ruckus in there."

"Simon don't think I'm good enough for her," Jayne mumbled, rubbing his jaw vigorously.

"You ain't good enough for nobody Jayne," Mal says. "But since I lost my battle about shipboard romances long ago, I got no quarrel with you two. Just don't let it interfere with business."

River squeals in a way that makes Mal jump. He never took River for the squealing type of girl. She kisses Jayne on the cheek, then kisses Mal then Jayne again.

"Thank you Captain."

Mal finds it all downright disturbing. The only person who should kiss Jayne is his mother.

* * *

_The house is innocuous-looking enough in the dying light of day. The shuttle hidden under the trees at the back of the house is a bit of a giveaway but not so incriminating. There is even a white picket fence._

_Mal wonders for a moment if he has any right to take them away from all this. Simon and River have made a home here. The home they were denied. And Book, well he didn't choose their life. Fate chose it for him. Yeah, fate with pigtails and a parasol, Mal can't help but chuckle. And Jayne, well god knew what this held for Jayne._

_Mal leans against a tree trunk, the dappled dying light on his brown coat camouflaging him well._

_He'd found Jayne first. He may be laying low but this was Jayne. Hit enough brothels and bars and places like Badger's and you found traces. Jayne was never subtle._

_Mal catches a movement through an upstairs open window. Just a flash of someone running, brown hair flying. There was a yell, muffled by the house but loud enough to carry to him. "River Tam I swear I will…"_

_What are you swearing doctor? Mal thinks with a slight smile. So much for the faked names. They always slip up._

_"Will you all gorram SHUT UP!" Jayne's voice cuts across the others._

_"Jayne!" River shrieks and a door bangs open. Close. Mal shrinks back behind the tree trunk as the girl leaps down three steps to the path outside, dress fluttering around her knees. She's wearing bright pink knitted gloves up her arms. She raises them above her head and does a neat pirouette._

_Jayne and Book appear in the doorway, while River twirls on the path. River adapts the pirouette so she's always 'spotting' to Jayne. He walks towards her and grabs her arm, stopping her mid spin. She stops dead, and stares up at him intently. He pulls her back into the house, only slightly roughly. "Just let Simon jab you. Gotta get better girl…" The slammed door cuts off the rest of his words._

_Mal wonders about River. Is she better? Is she worse? He finds his hands are shaking. He balls them up until it stops. Would she know his face if he walked back into her life. Has she forgotten? Has Simon? Have they made themselves forget? Do they even think of dead captains and lost ships? Do they dream of Companions and soldiers and men in mad Hawaiian shirts? Does Simon dream of the girl with the sunniest smile in the 'verse?_

_Mal shifts his weight, as the shadows grow longer over the house and wonders if he deserves this. Does he deserve the chance to find his crew? Is he finding them for their own sakes or for his?_

_He's come this far, they deserve to know the truth, he assures himself. They need to know if the others really lived or died. They need to find Serenity. Because Mal can't find it alone._

* * *

Translation Notes

Luh suh_ – crap_

Ni zhen bushi yiban ren_ -You're unbelievable _

Meng gu di fu - _ Witch Doctor_

Poq Gai: _go die in the street_


	7. Girls, Guns and Gentle Doctors

Chapter 7 for y'all. Thank you for the reviews. I want to hear how people think this is going to end.

I also apologise for the lack of Wash - Zoe'ness, they kind of got written out for much of it but they will return.

This is a Simon - Kaylee chapter. No Rayne in this one. This should answer some Simon questions.

* * *

Chapter 7: Girls, Guns and Gentle Doctors

Kaylee is busy tinkering. They're only a day out of Tanulia. If she keeps herself busy she won't have to think about him leaving.

"Luh suh" she hisses as he pulls her hand back from the engine. Blood trickles from a deep cut on her thumb.

She sucks on it thoughtfully as she picks her way across the engine room. She is dismantling and rebuilding every one of Mal's botch job repairs. It keeps her busy, making Serenity well again.

She walks to the infirmary, hoping to just find something to stop the bleeding without ever setting eyes on Doctor Tam. She glances through the door and thinks she's got away with it, but once she steps inside she realises she hasn't.

Simon is sat against the wall right next to the door. That's why she hadn't seen him. His knees are drawn up to his chest and his arms are resting on them. Two of his fingers are taped together. His hair is an absolute mess. Why the hell is Simon sitting on the floor? She's never seen him like this, this wrecked by his own volition.

He looks up and his eyes are red-rimmed.

Kaylee's hand drops away from her mouth. She wants to be mean, she really does. Wants to be able to walk out. Leave him like he's leaving her. But she can't. She crouches down next to him.

"Simon?"

He wipes his eyes with his hand and shakes his head. "Nothing."

"Ain't looking like nothing."

He stands up suddenly, trying to tidy the already creased shirt and vest he's wearing. Trying to make himself look presentable.

Kaylee circles him and pushes him forcibly out of the infirmary door until he's sitting on the sofa outside. "Don't need to be proper all the time."

_"It don't mean nothing out here in the Black."_

"_It means more out here."_

Simon flops his head back. "Maybe that's all I've got left."

"What? Because of Jayne and River being…"

"They're staying. Whether I do or not. River doesn't need me anymore. I fixed her. She's free now. I don't know what I'm going to do…"

Kaylee rubs his hand awkwardly. She curls her legs up underneath her and sits a little closer to him.

"Then stay," she can't quite believe she's saying this out loud. "Stay for me."

His eyes flick towards her without his head moving. "You barely know me anymore. You don't know what I've done."

"Don't care. Inside you're still Simon Tam aren't you?"

_Simon opened the door fully expecting it to be River returning with Jayne and Book. He was normally so careful, but just once or twice he'd slip. Dr Ryan Scott wasn't afraid of anything. He wasn't paranoid and jumping at shadows. He didn't have a past to chase him. Simon sometimes lived this fantasy so completely that he forgot that Dr Simon Tam did have those things. Like today. He flung open the door to see two non-descript men wearing black suits and blue latex gloves_.

"_Doctor Tam," one said pleasantly, "may I come in?"_

_Simon froze for a split second, long enough for the men to be in the house. His house, their home. _

"_No," he finally said as the door shut._

_The man doing the talking fixed him with a steady look. Simon felt his guts turn to ice, and his mouth went dry. His tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth._

"_Behave Doctor Tam and this will be so much easier. Now where is your sister?"_

_Simon took three steps backwards and banged into the small table that stood in the hallway. He puts his hands back to steady himself. Its drawer rattles as though something heavy and metal was in there. Thank God for Jayne. "I won't tell you."_

_The man blinked slowly. "May I remind you that we don't need you alive. Now where is River?"_

"_I don't know," Simon felt sweat start to drip down his forehead. He remembered the screaming on Ariel from those Feds. He hated the way this man said River's name, it sent a shiver down his spine. Don't come home River, please don't come home._

"_If you're lying to me…" the man left the threat unsaid. _

_Simon's fingers scrabbled at the drawer, using his surgeon's skills to open it silently behind his back. He lifts the pistol, keeping it out of sight. Cocked it silently. _

_The man continued. "You cause problems, and we do not like problems Doctor Tam. But maybe your sister will be more docile if you are still alive. We can't have her hurting herself before our work is done now can we?"_

_Simon breathed in for the count of three, calculated his angle and swung his arm round and fired the pistol. Jayne always keep them loaded. Book had tried emptying them all, but Jayne just got more inventive at hiding them._

_It seemed like slow motion as the pistol kicked twice in his hand, and the talking man's throat just…wasn't. The silent man had just a tiny bullet hole in his forehead. _

_He'd never killed anyone before. Not intentionally. Didn't realise quite how much mess it made, how much blood was now soaking into the carpet. Hadn't realised that the blood could reach him, splatter him. He's seen blood before. It's never bothered him, but now…_

_Jayne walked in the door minutes later, River at his heels and Book behind her. She took one look at the dead men's hands and her eyes went huge. Book swears. _

"_Two by two, hands of blue, two by two, hands of blue…" she says, her voice cracking. _

_Simon was standing over the bodies, gun arm still outstretched, pistol muzzle unwavering, spattered head to toe with blood. Not moving. _

_River was sobbing, her breath coming in ragged fast gasps. Jayne takes her arms and starts pushing her to the door. She quiets instantly at his touch. "Dead River. Can't hurt you. Not his blood."_

_She nods. "Not his blood." She looks at the man with the bullet hole in his head. "Perforated the cerebral cortex. Dead instantly." She turns her head to look at the other man. "He wasn't. Severed the spinal column, couldn't move, couldn't escape. Bullet in a box. Box of voices. Couldn't speak, couldn't cry out for mercy. Wouldn't have got any anyway."_

_Jayne feels an unwanted shiver go down his back and pushes her roughly at Book. "Preacher…" _

_Book just nods and gets River out of the door._

_Simon still hasn't moved. Jayne grabs the gun out of his hand._

"_Doc? Doc!"_

_Simon turned his head. His eyes were harder than Jayne had ever seen. _

"_They were going to take River. Couldn't let them." He sounds a bit dazed._

"_I know," Jayne swallows. "Bit extreme though gunning 'em down in our front hall. Could cause all kinds of trouble."_

"_They deserved it," Simon spits bitterly, and then actually laughs, a chilling sound. His voice becomes hard. "I'm done with this." He turns away. "We'll need body bags…"_

_Jayne tucks the gun into his waistband, "I'll take care of it."_

"If it helps there's a candle burning for you in the Companion Guild house on Persephone." Kaylee's lower lip wobbles. "Real pretty funeral too."

Simon rolls his head to the side to look at her. He can't resist a slight smile. "Did you cry?"

"Would it make a difference if I had?" There is a hint of flirtation in her voice.

Simon turns his body to face her, leaning his elbow on the sofa back, head against his hand. "Of course it would. I'd want to know my funeral was pretty enough to make you cry."

Kaylee's teeth nibble her lower lip, her eyes wide. Simon can't help himself; he leans forward and kisses her deeply. He closes his eyes and savours her lips. She tastes of strawberries, just like he imagined. He tangles his fingers in her hair, rests his forehead against hers for a moment before pulling back.

"Why couldn't you do that six and a bit years ago?" were the first words from her mouth.

Simon just blushes instead of answering. He lets his eyes trace every curve of her chin, the way her hair brushes against it, her eyes…and wonders if it's enough.

"Stay," Kaylee's voice is soft, little more than a whisper. "Stay on Serenity Simon. Please."

He fixes his eyes to a point just left of her ear. Can't meet her eyes. "I don't know."

Kaylee sighs lightly, barely perceptible. "You know how I feel Simon. You know what I want." She pulls away and stands, dropping a light kiss on his forehead. "I can't decide for you."

Simon stares after her and feels cold inside.


	8. Leaving?

Sorry guys this is a short chapter, but enjoy anyway. Although it just keeps getting worse...

* * *

Chapter 8: Leaving...?

_Serenity touches down the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night and Mal wonders if he's going to die out here. _

"_Everybody dies alone."_

_He shuts down Serenity's engine and strains his eyes against the darkness. Has Monty come? Has he left him too? Then he spots the ship a short way away. Mal tries to stand but a shooting pain goes up his legs. He slumps back onto the chair. Mal bites off a scream and slams his hand down to open the cargo bay doors. _

"_Mal?" he hears a voice yelling through the cargo bay, then, "Gorramit! What happened here? Mal!"_

"_Monty…I'm here…" Mal yells back, his voice loud in his ears. He hadn't realised how tired he was. If he could be bothered to go to the infirmary he could get some more of the doc's drugs, maybe a nice adrenalin shot…His eyelids droop. Maybe if he just had a little sleep._

"_Malcolm Reynolds wake up that's a gorram order!"_

"_Yes sir," Mal slurs but opens his eyes._

_Monty looms over him, beard firmly back in place. _

"_Hey you've got the soup catcher back…" Mal's voice is still slurred._

"_What happened?"_

"_Reavers. Gorram reavers on my boat…"_

"_Your crew? Zoë?"_

"_Gone…shuttles," Mal's eyes close again as his leg spasms painfully. He grits his teeth and opens his eyes again. "Think I'm dead." He laughs. "Think I went down with my ship…"_

_Mal's eyelids droop again. Monty's medic pulls them open, shines a light in his eyes. Mal swats weakly at the torch. _

"_What have you taken? Have you been drinking?"_

"_Just some painkillers from the doc's stash…" Mal mumbles, wishing they would go away and let him sleep. _

"_Get him up."_

_Monty is hauling him to his feet, slinging an arm round him and taking his weight. Monty half-carried Mal from Serenity through the cargo bay doors. They took nothing but Mal, leaving behind the smell of blood and burnt reaver. _

* * *

River and Jayne are hauling their belongings into Serenity's cargo bay. Wash collected them on the mule. On the journey Kaylee had bullied Mal into getting major repairs done to the catwalks and stairways. The cargo bay is still blackened but the catwalks are shiny and new and usable. 

In the time it took to do that they've managed to collect the shuttle too.

Jayne throws another duffle bag onto the pile of trunks and bags, and turns to take another bag from River. They sure have collected a lot of stuff in six years. Mal is gonna hate them.

Kaylee is sorting through a basket full of parts she made Mal go to the junkyard with her to get. He couldn't say no, he won't not to any of them. Mal himself is sat on a crate, watching his crew come home.

Simon is nowhere to be seen. Kaylee hasn't seen him since their conversation on the sofa. He left Serenity about five minutes after they landed, that was eighteen hours ago, and he didn't say goodbye. Jayne and River say they haven't seen him at the house.

Kaylee wonders if he's gone for good. She focuses very hard on a motivator in her hand and blinks repeatedly.

"That's the last of it Mal," Jayne shouts across the cargo bay.

River is stood on the ramp staring out at her home for the last six years, wind fluttering her hair. Mal looks at Kaylee sniffling over her parts, pulls a face and goes to River. "Is he coming?"

River smiles a bit eerily at him, "Simon's got to tell himself pretty lies Captain."

"Captain dummy talk please River."

"He's going to pretend he can live without Serenity." She looks round at Kaylee's crouched figure. "He's going to pretend he can live without her."


	9. Saving Private Ryan

Here's Chapter 9, hope you enjoy. The story is nearly finished. Its just finding time to edit and post it that is killing me...gorram work and car repairs.

* * *

Chapter 9: Saving Private Ryan

Inara surveyed the beige hospital reception as she stepped through the front doors. Reception desk, to her right of that a set of double doors, a few assorted chairs. Tanulia's population may be small but Tanulia City's hospital, St. Elizabeth's, was well equipped Inara is dressed modestly for her, a long plain shift dress in black with a cream shawl across her shoulders. River leads the way as they walk to the reception desk.

The woman there looks up and sees River, and smiles fondly, "Grace, are you looking for your brother?"

River nods. "Is he here?"

"Of course. Where else would Ryan be?"

River laughs with her. "Sorry I'm being rude." She gestures to Inara. "Mildred this is Inara Sera."

"Delighted," Inara holds out her hand delicately.

Mildred looks a little surprised as she shakes her hand. Companions rarely come to Tanulia, especially not fancy ones like this.

"Can we…?" River gestures to the double doors.

"Go ahead darling. By the way have you lost your big silent handsome bodyguard?"

River grins. "Something like that," she says as she heads for the doors. Inara follows her, thinking 'Jayne? Handsome? Bodyguard?'

They get almost three paces when the double doors open. Simon is wearing a white doctors tunic with an ident-badge reading 'Dr. Ryan Scott.' His hair is slicked down neatly and he has a stethoscope round his neck.

"Hello Ryan."

"No," Simon waves his finger at them, and backs away a couple of steps through the double doors. Inara and River follow him. "No. Go away."

He turns in the corridor and smacks straight into the very solid forms of Mal and Jayne. For once Inara thinks that Mal's plan of using the back door has paid off.

Mal folds his arms. Simon is completely penned in the narrow corridor. "Hey doc," Mal says calmly. "Done playing yet?"

"I ain't leaving."

Mal raises his eyebrow at Simon's slip in language. "Are you under the impression we were giving you a choice?"

"What?" the word is barely out of his mouth before Jayne has him in a headlock, and Mal is tying his hands together behind his back.

"Sorry," River says quietly, "Its for your own good."

Simon wonders how many times he said that to River and if she hates it as much as he does right now.

Part of him wants to start yelling, alert anybody, the other part of him is resigned. Like he has realised they wouldn't just let him go without a word. Finally he settles on "You're a son of a bitch Malcolm Reynolds," through gritted teeth. Jayne releases his neck and he straightens up, glaring at Mal.

Inara laughs lightly and Mal looks affronted.

"He does have a point Mal."

"Can we stop yappin' and get movin'?" Jayne hisses, relishing the chance to play the bad cop again.

They march Simon back to the house, Jayne occasionally being rougher on his arms that he needs to be. Revenge for the punch. Once he is standing in the centre of the front room they untie him. Mal stands in front of him and eyeballs him until Simon wishes that the floor would swallow him up.

"You ain't never been a nuòfu before doctor, not in all the time you were on Serenity anyway. Six years might of changed a man." He folds his arms and shifts his weight.

Simon looks at the shiny toes of his shoes.

"You will either pack up your stuff and get you ass on Serenity, or you will come and say goodbye to Kaylee yourself. I ain't doing your dirty work."

River bites her lip and watches him carefully, wonders which one he's going to choose. Maybe he finally just wants to run. Wants to be free…wants to live.

Mal plows onward. "Inara has volunteered to stay with you while you decide so you can't leave unexpectedly." Mal's mouth twitches in the ghost of a smile. "Don't cross her. She will have you flat on your back before you can argue."

"And he don't necessarily mean fightin'," Jayne grins.

River cuffs him round the head and smiles sadly at her brother. "Goodbye big brother."

His stomach falls into his feet. Anatomically impossible he knew. But River…

"Thank you for everything," she continues. She gives his hand a squeeze and leaves the room. The others drift away with Mal's parting words, "You've got an hour doctor. Don't be late."

Inara stands silently waiting for him to say something. He paces up and down the room a few times. She watches him. Finally he slumps onto the sofa and puts his head in his hands. Inara sits next to him and rubs her hand on his back. In a wretched voice he says, "I don't know what to do."

* * *

Translation Notes

_Nuòfu _– coward


	10. Fantasies Leave Me Alone

Well thank you for all the kind reviews for the whole story. Its been an absolute pleasure to write and I just hope you welcome my next story with such passion and willingness to read.

Here's the last chapters so I'd take it as a kindness if you would read and review.

There's a bit of fighting, guns, love, kissing, eating, and even nakedness in one chapter(I'm not telling you who! Read it!)

* * *

Chapter 10: Fantasies Leave Me Alone

Inara sat primly on his bed, which made Simon more than a mite uncomfortable. A Companion sitting on his bed. The only times he'd thought of a Companion on his bed the circumstances would have been a lot different. It was some adolescent fantasy come real, almost. He blinks at the sudden mental picture of kissing Inara; fulfil one fantasy of his teenage years. He shakes it away. Adolescent fantasy. Memory trigger. Nothing else. He's being a stupid boy. Its stress, that's it. Stress of being kidnapped…again. He focuses very hard on folding the shirt in his hand. If his parents had ever caught him with a Companion they would probably have disowned him. He stuffs the shirt into an already overfull bag. It's Inara…sitting on his bed. A Companion in his bedroom. His ears start to go pink. He wiggles his shoulders trying to work out the knot of tension that has settled there.

"No offence, but were you really necessary?"

"Would you rather Jayne or Mal stayed?"

Simon merely grunts and goes back to abusing the bag. He tugs in vain at the zipper and mutters to himself. "Gorram bag. Hate packing…"

Inara watches him silently and wishes she could tell him anything to make this alright. She can't tell him just to stay on Serenity. He needs to decide on his own.

"Stay? Go? Can't go home…can I? She's gone. I'm sick of running." He pounds the bag in time with his words. "Sick…of…running."

Inara knows how Simon used to be. He wouldn't run away from a problem, but now? What has happened to their good doctor? Gentle Simon. How can he have grown so cold that he can leave Kaylee without a word? Could he bu ci er bie? Could he really do that? Inara catches his eye briefly and his gaze is cold. Simon had always been easy for her to read – scared, afraid, worried for River, pain, loyalty, his love for Kaylee, she'd seen them all – but now his eyes didn't tell her anything. It was like a mask had dropped in front of him, cutting him off. She's seen men like this before. It happened to Mal. Something terrible has happened to him.

Simon turns out a drawer onto the bed next to her, without really looking at the contents. In amongst the odds and ends, there are two objects that catch her eye. A drawing and a gun. The drawing is a pencil sketch of Kaylee, obviously by River and drawn from memory. She's smiling. Everything is perfect, right down to the grease smudge on her nose, the hair curling around her ears, the tiny flecks of light playing in her eyes. The drawing is grubby; there are creases in the paper, like it's been held for too long, half screwed up in anguish, fingerprints round the edges. It must be torture to look at, the eyes of a girl you cared for, who died.

Inara swallows. She lays it down reverently and turns her attentions to the gun. It's a pistol. Looks like one of Jayne's. The handle is black. She rests a hand on it. Why does Simon have a gun in his room? It's loaded. Why does Simon carry a gun? She knows why he needs to, but why does he want to? He had pointed it at Mal easily enough, pointed it at all of them. He's a doctor. He shouldn't want to kill people. Simon, out of all of them, was most like her, they didn't carry guns. Suddenly a hand slams on top of hers. She jumps and looks up. Simon is scowling at her. He grips roughly at her hand and the gun. Inara pulls her hand out from under his, trying to retain her dignity.

"What happened to you?" she finally says. This isn't the Simon she remembers.

He looks at her steadily, his fingers curled around the handle of the gun hanging loosely at his side. "I killed someone. Two people in fact. And I'd do it again." He doesn't know why he feels the need to tell her the truth.

Inara's eyes widen. Oh Simon. Simon killed someone. That was something Inara had never believed she would have to face.

"Go home Inara. Run back to Serenity," his voice is hard, but his eyes flicker and for an instant she can read him. He's afraid. If he lashes out, people can't get close to him. And if they can't get close to him, they can't leave him. He snatches the paper from the bed, crumples it slightly in the process. "I said go away." His voice wavers like a small child's on the last word.

Inara stands and looks at him sadly. Maybe they can't help him anymore. She leans forward and kisses him very gently on the lips. "I'm so sorry Simon."

She leaves the room. Simon is left standing with the gun in one hand and the drawing in the other. Alone.

* * *

Translation Notes:

Bu ci er bie_ - leave without saying good-bye_


	11. No Mercy

Chapter 11: No Mercy

_Mal opens his eyes and shifts his body carefully. His leg twinges slightly, but its getting better, Monty's medic has done a good job. They've warned him that he'll always have a limp. It will however get easier…so long as he doesn't get shot again. No chance of that any time soon. He sits up and goes to the mirror on the other side of the room. He grips the sides of the sink and forces himself to look at his reflection. He wants to see what the gorram reaver has done to him. Mal's not a vain man, but he wants to know. The cuts on his face are dark and scabby. The medic said his work with the glue had stopped the worst of the damage. Doesn't look like it right now. Mal put his hand up and touched the cut on his cheek. It was deep and was going to leave a scar. He touched the other gash gently with his fingertips and winced. Mal turned his head this way and that studying the damage. It could have been worse, it could have been much worse._

_For who? His mind said silently. For you maybe. What about the others? Your crew? Your friends. Did they even make it?_

_Mal hadn't thought about it, not since Monty had picked him up. He'd blocked it out when he was awake, couldn't bring himself to think of it, and he'd slept a lot, doped up on the doc's meds, no not the doc. Simon was the doc. This man was just Monty's medic._

_Mal gripped the sides of the sink hard. Had they survived? Mal had to face the fact that they may not have done. His hands start shaking. He closes his eyes._

_Have the reavers got them? Are they floating, lost, because the shuttles were too far from anywhere? Did they die gasping? Mal shudders at the thought and remembers how it was nearly him. They came back then. Where were they now? He can hear River's screaming echoing in his ears. He yelled at Kaylee. He drops his head and a tear leaks from his eye._

"_I don't ruttin' care Kaylee. Go! Get the doc and his sister to a shuttle! Now!"_

_The last thing he did was yell at her. The tears come harder now. He grips his hands tighter. Not Zoë. She wouldn't go without a fight. He knew that. Did Zoë and Wash die in each other's arms? What of the Tams? Had Jayne sold them out to the feds? Had he dared? Did they pass away before he could? _

_Mal pulled his eyes back to the mirror. Were they alone? Had they found each other? Was Kaylee lying in Simon's arms crying for her lost captain? Was Zoë mourning him? The man the war couldn't kill. Her sergeant. The one man besides her husband she trusted blindly. Malcolm Reynolds slaughtered by reavers. Did they believe that? Did he believe that they didn't make it? He grits his teeth, and winces as the wound on his cheek tightened. All of them, his crew, all…dead…_

_Mal stared into his own haunted eyes and his knees buckled underneath him. He lets out a wordless scream of desperation and slumps to the floor. A shooting pain goes through his leg but he barely notices. His hands go over his face. _

_It was here Monty found him, shaking and muttering to himself. Mal's crying and Monty can't remember ever seeing that before. Malcolm Reynolds never cried. He looks like the guys who lost it in the war. The ones who screamed out for their arms when they weren't even gone, the ones who didn't say a word for days. _

_Monty started to haul Mal to his feet. Mal grabs at his arms._

"_Don't tell them! If they ask…don't tell. I'm dead. Dead, all dead. I'll find them. No mercy…all dead…"_

_Monty dumped Mal back on his bunk. His skin was burning. Fever. He was delusional. _

"_All dead…no mercy…just death…all dead, dead no…dead…"_

_Monty feared for him. What had Mal seen? Did his crew really leave? Or had the reavers made Mal watch?_

* * *

Kaylee sniffles into her parts and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. She blinks as her eyes blur on the part in her hand. He isn't coming is he? He walked off the ship without a goodbye. The captain and Jayne and River had come back ages ago, saying they had been to stock up with supplies. Inara had arrived later, looking agitated. Inara never looked agitated. He ain't coming. They didn't say a word about Simon. None of them.

Simon didn't even make eye contact with her when he left. Just walked out. No three little words this time. Maybe he didn't think of her in six years? But Jayne had said…But he'd tried to kiss her by the fire, had kissed her last night. Was that kiss the reason? Was she bad at kissing? That's why isn't it? I'm a bad kisser and I drove him away.

A soft cough brings her back to the present. She looks round in the direction of the cougher.

Simon stands in the doorway, a duffel bag at his feet, a couple more bags behind him, wearing smart vest over a white shirt. The gun from his hip is missing and he is fidgeting.

"Permission to come aboard?" he finally says.

Kaylee frowns in confusion. "Ain't me you need to be asking."

"Yes it is."

She stands up and walks towards him. He's come back. She feels like she's fizzing inside. "Why?"

"I was going to leave today."

The fizzing subsides instantly.

Simon stares very hard at the floor. "But I couldn't. Mal, well he gave me a choice…"

Kaylee interrupts. "Mal?"

Simon nods, still staring at the floor. "He, Jayne, River and Inara kidnapped me from the hospital. He made me choose between coming back to Serenity or saying goodbye to you in person." There's a long pause. "And I couldn't. I couldn't say goodbye to you."

"Then why did you leave in the first place?" Kaylee can't forgive him that easily.

"I was afraid." The last word chokes in his throat. "I tried to build us a normal life…well as normal as possible with Jayne. Then those letters made me think…Then you happened and I couldn't pretend who I was. I mean I couldn't even see Jayne and River's feelings for each other right under my nose. I was so caught up in pretending that I forgot who I was. You know I'm rubbish at these sort of things." He's fidgeting worse now. "Please Kaylee. I'm sorry Kaylee. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He's babbling now.

But his words are what he said to her in dreams so many times. Sorry for leaving, sorry for dying, just sorry. And now he's looking at her with puppy dog eyes, and she can't hurt him anymore.

"Come aboard doctor."

He grins and fishes in the bag at his feet. He walks towards her, holding out a jar. Kaylee frowns slightly, and then twigs what it is. "Jam?"

He nods. "Peace offering. I couldn't get real strawberries. Figured you'd like jam too."

Kaylee takes the jar from him and unscrews the lid. She sticks her finger straight into the jam, then pulls it out and sucks on it. She closes her eyes and a soft mmmm noise escapes her lips. Her eyelids flicker.

Simon decides that there is nothing in the 'verse more erotic than Kaylee right now. He vows that on Persephone he will buy her a bucket of fresh strawberries, just so he can watch her eat them.

"So Kaywinnet Lee Frye can I stay on your ship?"

She grins. "One condition."

Simon's eyes widen momentarily in a slight panic, but he recovers quickly. "Name it."

"Kiss me again." She raises her eyes to his with a smile.

"Yes Miss Kaylee," he murmurs, dipping his head to kiss her deeply.


	12. Signs of Home

Chapter 12: Signs of Home

The journey to Persephone was turning out to be very quiet. Everyone was behaving and Mal sometimes wondered if they were there at all. Mal enters the passenger quarters when it catches his eye. He leans forwards and frowns. It was a sign with 'River' painted on it in pink paint in familiar curly writing, surrounded by little pink spirals. He moved further down the corridor. Simon's room has one too written in blue with a white border. There's a small heart dotting the 'i'. That only left one culprit.

"Kaylee!" Mal yells entering the crew corridor. Then he saw the signs outside every door. Zoë and Wash's had little hearts all round their names. She's added a tiny one underneath with a baby bottle on it and 'Baby Mal'. Jayne's is black with scarlet writing. Mal swallows and moved to his door. She has. It's got brown writing and a small yellow flower in each corner.

"KAYLEE!"

"Yes Cap'n?" She says, climbing out of her room.

"What is this?" he points at the sign.

"Aren't they shiny? I made 'Nara one too." She holds it up, all gold and swirly on black. "Ain't it pretty?"

"Kaylee remember what I said…"

"Pffft. Can't stop me Captain. Just making it home again."

She kisses him on the cheek and skips away down the corridor happily, clutching the sign. Mal sighs. He's a mean old man. What in the 'verse possessed her to paint him flowers?

* * *

_Mal made Monty do his dirty work. A dead man could hardly send a wave to a Companion. How can he face her? He's been 'dead' eight months already. Monty sends a wave to the Companions Guild asking for Lady Sera. They find out she's on Persephone and for five horrible seconds Mal thinks she might have taken up with that gorram Atherton Wing again. Mal feels his palms get sweaty as he hovers out of sight while Monty makes the call._

_"Hello?"_

_Her voice is soft and Mal let's out a soft sigh at the sound of it._

_"Monty." She says warmly. "What can I do for you?"_

_"Thank you for speaking to me Lady Sera," Monty turns on all the charm he has. "I know you must be busy. But I was looking for Malcolm. He's gone rather off the radar recently and I've got wind of a job he may be interested in."_

_Mal moves so he can see her face. Her composure crumbles for just a minute, her eyes flicker in pain, then she covers it. Her face however remains grim._

_"I'm afraid Mal passed away eight months ago."_

_Mal thinks Monty's faked reaction is just a tad melodramatic. "What of the others? Zoë? Kaylee?" His worry for them is real. Monty had a soft spot for Kaylee like everyone who ever met her._

_"No, they're alive."_

_Mal balls his fists. They're alive. He feels uninvited tears in his eyes._

_But Inara continues sadly. "But we lost Jayne, and three passengers we were carrying."_

_Mal feels his breath catch. The other shuttle. All of them. They never found them or did they? Are they dead?_

_Mal can't drag his eyes away from Inara's. The old sparkle seems faded. But she's still beautiful. Its all Mal can do to stop himself stepping into camera view. He's give her a heart attack. It isn't fair. She's never believe it anyway._

_But Zoë and Wash, and his little Kaylee are alive!_

_Monty gives Inara his sympathy and says goodbye graciously. He looks at Mal and decides it was worth it. Mal's face has the biggest goofiest grin he's ever seen.

* * *

_

Inara's room is just that, her room, despite being a passenger dorm. It already smelt of incense and expensive perfume, and a patchwork travelling quilt made of bright silk squares lay on the bunk. Inara sat on this, cross-legged and barefoot, dressed in a loose simple pair of aqua silk trousers and a matching top. It felt like home, coming back to Serenity. Like finding family. Albeit broken. And finding Mal was…Inara was confused. Mal wasn't the same. He tried to be. But she'd seen the truth in his eyes. The old Mal would have let Simon walk away. This Mal was so desperate to hold on that he'd kidnap a man to make it happen. Mal had been so alone, so afraid. Inara couldn't imagine what had happened to him, injured, running. Oh Mal.

Her contemplation was interrupted by a knock on her door.

"Come in," she called softly.

Mal's head appeared round the door first then he stepped into the room. He slid the door shut behind him.

"Hello Mal. What can I do for you?" she stood up gracefully.

"I don't know."

Inara frowned at him momentarily.

"It's the doc's fault…"

"Simon?"

"Yeah, making him face reality got me thinkin'. When I told you I didn't want to be alone again…" he steps forward. "Well, I really meant you."

She blinked and tried not to let it show on her face. What is Mal getting at?

Mal steps forwards again, so now he is mere inches from her. He could see every scrap of carefully applied make up. The perfectly blushed cheeks, the smudge free red lips, the flawless eye shadow, the curled black lashes and kohl lined eyes. And he sees that all of it is fake. A front, a show. Armour. Against what he wasn't sure. But when he looked her in the eye that was real. No armour there. He didn't do it often; it made him sweaty and uncomfortable. He looked her in the eye now.

"Tell me you didn't mourn me. Tell me you didn't miss me." His voice is steady. "Tell me you don't feel anything for me…"

"Mal please…" Her heart is racing.

He won't break eye contact until he is rewarded by seeing her falter, look away, cheeks flushing ever so slightly beneath the blush. He awkwardly puts a hand on her waist and pulls her the last few inches to him.

"Don't Mal…we shouldn't…because…"

He cuts her off. "Because what? Because I'm dead? Because it's been six years? Because of the crew? Think of a new excuse Inara, I've thought of all of these. Give me a real reason, for you, and then, well, I'll walk away and never breathe a word of this."

Please don't have a reason Inara. Just don't.

Her heart is pounding so hard against her ribs that Inara is sure Mal must be able to hear it.

"Mal…" her voice is like a plea.

His lips are as soft as his stubble is rough. He closed his eyes when he kissed her, Inara noted to herself.

Mal's hand tightened against her waist and his other went to the back of her neck. Inara shut her eyes and let him kiss her, mind in turmoil. This is Mal. The man she's told herself she would never…sworn to herself…lied to herself. Pretty lies about Companion etiquette and business.

Without a word, Mal pushes her back onto the bunk. He fumbles urgently with her clothing. Getting his hands caught and threatening to rip the delicate silk.

He smells of leather, and the faintest traces of gunpowder and engine oil. His clothing is rough against her skin. She catches sight of the black tattoo on his hip and trails her fingertips across it. She feels him shudder under her hands. She knows what to do.

Mal wonders if her ability to turn him to jelly is just part of her act. The finger nails dragging at the skin of his back, her teeth catching at her lip, the moans at the perfect moment. It wasn't an act. Inara wasn't that good an actress, he swore to himself. He mashes his lips to hers roughly, all pretence at romantic formality gone.

Inara knew Mal wasn't skilled in the act of love but something in his untamed taking of her, excited her more than she could explain. She'd had better lovers before. But this time the sex wasn't about money, or power or fulfilling someone else's fantasy. It was about need. A deep down desire burning in both of them.

But Mal is the one who makes sure they have eye contact when they came, trying to keep quiet so the rest of the crew don't hear through the thin walls.

Afterwards they lie tangled in the silk quilt and each other's limbs. Mal notes with some satisfaction that her red lipstick is smudged, and thinks she's never looked more beautiful. Inara's face is unreadable to him as ever. Mal never knew what was going on behind her eyes. He felt cheated and a little hurt, after what they'd just done.

Inara knows Mal is staring at her, this goofy sleepy smile on his face, and she doesn't know what to do. She feels comfortable lying in the warmth of his arms. But this is Mal. How could she have been so stupid? She can't do that with Mal however much she wanted to. She has no idea what to do or say? Why not? It is her job to know what to do in this situation.

A moment later she gets up and reaches for a robe. Mal suddenly feels awkward. Maybe this was a horrible horrible mistake. He sits up and wraps the quilt over his nakedness.

"Well," he says finally, after watching Inara rearrange her hair in the mirror for two minutes of silence. "I got work to get done. Ain't got time to be sittin' around like a Companion." He grabs his clothes from the floor, feeling angry at himself for succumbing to her feminine wiles.

He pulls his clothes on roughly, buttoning his shirt up wrong. He snaps his suspenders on to his shoulder, winces, pretends he hasn't just hurt himself with his own clothing and snatches open the door.

Inara watches him not sure what to say.

"I got captainy things to get done."

"Mal…"

He jerks the door shut behind him without waiting for her to finish.

"…don't go…Mal…I…"

He hesitates behind the door for a moment breathing heavily and hears Inara's stifled sobbing, and hates himself.


	13. Serenity Reborn

Chapter 13: Serenity Reborn

_The Alliance said they were gonna waltz through Serenity Valley and we choked 'em with those words. We've done the impossible and that makes us mighty. Just a little while longer, our angels are gonna be soaring overhead raining fire on those arrogant cod, so you hold! You hold! _

_I don't believe there is a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful._

_I believe that woman's planning to shoot me again._

_If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed. _

_This is my sister._

_Jayne's right, Reavers ain't men. Or they forgot how to be. Now they're just nothing. They got out to the edge of the galaxy, to that place of nothing, and that's what they became._

_As with other situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back. _

_That's the difference. Inara, he doesn't even see you. _

_They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the sky and they remember what they are._

_You're on my crew._

_The special hell._

_That's the last time you get to call me "whore."_

_One of you is gonna fall and die, and I'm not cleaning it up!_

_Take me, sir. Take me hard_

_Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone's carrying a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds you._

_Am I getting any prettier?_

_It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think._

* * *

It took six days to get to Persephone and pick up Wash and Zoë. And for that time everyone seems to be avoiding each other. Simon was avoiding all of them, seemingly holding a grudge about the kidnap; Jayne is avoiding Simon so he doesn't get another punch; River has taken to sticking with Jayne, and Mal is pretty sure she's moved all her stuff into his quarters; god knew where Kaylee was, probably rebuilding the entire ship around them; Wash was sulking because Zoë had made him sell the Dinosaur. And Inara…well she and Mal hadn't spoken since they…

He stomps into the dining room and takes his seat. He watches Wash wrestle baby Mal into the high chair. Zoë takes over and baby Mal goes quiet and behaves. She picks up a bowl of baby food.

"Gonna feed me too?"

Zoë throws him a withering look. "Of course Sir." She looks like she might throw the food at him.

"I'd better not have missed the food." Jayne jumps down the steps into the room in one bound. Then he turns and holds out his hand to River. She takes it with a smile.

"Anyone would think you've gone soft," Mal raises an eyebrow at Jayne.

Jayne gives him a look that would melt steel. "Not ruttin' likely." He sits down and grabs two bread rolls, but hands one to River.

Zoë is cooing to baby Mal in a way that makes Mal decidedly confused. He finds the motherliness quite becoming in his second in command. Was it always in there waiting to come out? Did he just never notice? And was Wash really this useless?

"Good evening all."

Now there's a voice to break a man's heart.

"Evening 'Nara," Wash grins.

Inara glides into the room wearing along burnished orange dress. Like liquid fire. She leans down and coos to baby Mal before taking a seat next to him.

Six years hasn't changed her. She can still make him sweaty and uncomfortable just by her presence. He realises he's missing out on food because he's too busy looking at Inara out of the corner of his eye. He grabs a bit of red protein.

"Six years in the future and we're still eating protein! Where's the progress people?" Wash is just Wash.

River leans forward and smiles at him. Mal sees the girl she used to be, and the woman she is now. Part of him mourns the fact that he misses seeing it, but he mostly rejoices that she made it.

Suddenly Kaylee appears in the doorway, dragging a sheepish looking doctor by the hand.

"Hi," she grins, lighting up the room.

Simon holds out her seat and sits himself, looking embarrassed. At god knew what now.

Mal catches a moment between Jayne and Kaylee. Just a look, a half smile, acknowledgement of a reformed friendship. Mal couldn't help but raise Jayne Cobb in his esteem now, just a bit. He did the right thing. Maybe Simon and Book rubbed off on him, more likely River. But maybe too much of the old Jayne rubbed off on Simon. He's harder, brittle. The wrong thing will make him snap. But the old doc is under there and their brilliant shiny mechanic will bring him back. Their little Kaylee can soften anyone. She still smiles, she still loves strawberries and she can still make Mal go fiercely overprotective about the slightest hurt. Mal will use the next six years making up for hurting her by staying away.

Mal had faith in them all, they are his crew.

He looks round the table. "Doc? Why have you got jam on you ear?"

Simon goes scarlet and Kaylee giggles in that girlish way which tells Mal she's been up to no good.

Inara takes his hand under the table and Mal knows everything is going to work out alright.

He finally had Serenity.

The End.

* * *

Translation Notes (from whole story in case I forgot any!)

Nimen dou bi zui - Everybody shut the hell up!

Daì ruò mù ji - dumb as a wooden chicken

Houzi de pigu - monkey's ass

Wo ai ni - I love you  
Baobei – baby / precious

Luh suh – crap

Ni zhen bushi yiban ren -You're unbelievable

Meng gu di fu - Witch Doctor

Poq gai - go die in the street

Nuòfu – coward

Bu ci er bie - leave without saying good-bye


End file.
